The Walk
Some of the hardest moments have happened to me while walking. It’s hard to WALK to the NICU everyday and even harder to Walk out of the NICU everyday. This Post is dedicated to that WALK!
As you drive into the dark and cold parking garage. Round and round and round frantically looking for a parking spot. Any Parking Spot! In such a hurry to get to your little one to see them and get an update from the nurse, the Neonatologist, Cardiologist…Anyone. No parking on the first level, nope not the second, the third, the forth. One spot left on the fifth level. Knowing full well when you go to leave the hospital your going to, by that time, forget what level your on….AHHH. And if this wasn’t such a tiring time you may have been (or maybe you are, i was not) smart enough to snap a photo of what level and what spot your car is in. But nonetheless I never thought of that and searched for my car on multiple occasions when i was tired and worn out and also torn about leaving my baby (in capable hands, nonetheless its still hard) and coming home to my toddler and husband.
You’ve found a parking spot, WHEW. Getting out of my car I load up my arms with my bag, milk i have pumped the night before and this morning and clean bottles for a day full of pumping before the trek to the hospital. Now, in nothing less than a Speed Walk, you tear through the parking garage and into the hospital. Down the long overly bright white corridor that seems like the longest walk of my life. Straight down the hall I can see the doors and the sign above the doors “Neonatal Intensive Care Unit” and my heart sinks, Every Day it sinks to my stomach and as I swallow it gets stuck deep in my throat! My pace hasn’t slowed at all I’m still tearing down that long white cold hallway. Although my thoughts have slowed. I think to myself “What am I going to hear and see when I open those doors.”, “Is she okay.”, “Is she still in the same spot or has she been moved.”, “Are the lab results we have been waiting on in yet.”, “Has the doctor seen her this morning.” “Is she okay.”.
Almost to the doors by now, open them and see the smiling faces, always smiling, from the ladies at the desk that check your badge before opening the heavy doors into the NICU. A big red line on the floor that reads “Stand Behind this Line” and you WAIT. These are the SLOWEST doors in the world. OPEN. OPEN. OPEN. In your hast you step forward, I’m going for it. Nope, they close back. Darn! You Step behind the line, okay lets try this again. Lean back and smile at the lady “I didn’t make it”. Try again, this time waiting until they are all the way open. Finally, Success! Round the corner and another long white corridor. Anxiety riddled and walking as stiff and fast as possible. I check the large white erase board as I enter the NICU, Yes she is still in the same spot. I see her Day Nurse, I smile, she smiles. Okay, She’s Okay!
Although we don’t always get that smile from the nurses as we enter the NICU we almost always get a smile from someone passing by and that can lift our spirits. What was your best moment as you entered the NICU, and how did you feel?